Because clearly we all care just a little bit
Hello ladies and gents it’s me, the guy that apparently has all the knowledge on the male suit. Or the mens attire etiquette altogether; especially when considering last week marked the annual Met Gala. The first Monday in May is regularly reserved exclusively for the world famous and excruciatingly influential. An evening where the cream of the celebrity crop get invited to appreciate art (that they probably don't care about) and are sequestered into a private access full blown party (I think). And look, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I really wasn’t going to put anything together for this but I feel like we could all learn a lesson or two from these guys.
What I care about is the suits. The goddamn suits. Gentlemen this past week I am sure you got caught up near or in a conversation with someone talking about the Met ball like its the fucking Olympics so I’m going to let you in on a secret. There’s a reason why they're talking, its because everyone turns on the style (well, most people bring it anyway, others just make an attempt at it). With so many swings and very few hits, it isn't often you come across success on the red carpet, and quite often people don't quite give a flying fuck about the men in the mix. But we should give a fuck, we really should, because if these guys cant wear a great suit then who the hell can, I definitely cant if thats for certain. Let’s look at the absolute worst.
We start with Americas least favourite sports superhuman. Despite popular belief, this suit is fucking atrocious. Tom Ford is a genius, don't get me wrong, this guy knows his way around a suit, but god damn Tom Brady why do you have to do it so wrong. He wears a silver velvet dinner jacket (which in fairness looks really nice on its own) but the pants nor the shoes work with it, his tie looks like its not getting quite enough action (if you know what I mean) and his collar doesn't fit, at all. A few pointers; if you're wearing champion colours (Gold, Silver, Bronze, you catch my drift) at least wear the colour with which you're synonymous, GOLD. Don't beat around the bush because we know your humility extends as far as my pinky, and in all honesty you don't need to match Gisel, she looks mighty beautiful enough all on her own.
I am so sorry to everyone that likes any one of the three Jonas brothers but its not 2007 anymore. Alongside other people who shouldn't have been there (Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen cough cough), Nick Jonas looks like he just got shat on by The Great Gatsby (not the book, nor the character, but the Baz Luhrmann classic film) there is too much gold foliage or whatever that is going on in that suit. You want something funky? Take a look at Justin Bieber circa 2015.
BRANDON THOMAS LEE
I’m not even going to go there.
NOW FOR THE GOOD.
HOT FUCKING DAMN SOMEONE GET OVER HERE. Donald Glover holy crap. Is there anything this man cannot do. I’m gonna go get some Community in my system and listen to Redbone until I go senile, be right back. AND ITS BURBERRY.
MICHAEL B JORDAN
Once you get past the fact he looks like he is about to go toe to toe with the loch ness monster, you begin to realise the elegance of this Ralph Lauren suit. The kind of suit only Michael B. Jordan can pull off (or Neil Patrick Harris).
Not one to shy away from bold choices Rami Malek is at it again with this stunning red Dior Homme mohair tux. Not to take away from the look but this guy has the perfect build for this kind of suit, and can probably pull off absolutely anything, but the perfect amount of elegance makes Rami probably the best dressed yet again.
Shying away from the suit has never done many favours when you're at a formal setting, lets not forget Kanye rocking a denim jacket (alright it was bedazzled) in 2016 and looking as uncomfortable as a vegan on a dairy farm. A$AP opts for the black denim jacket over a cream turtleneck (heads up this is probably a look you could take advantage of this winter) and he looks fucking great doing so.
MIGOS (JUST AS A GROUP OF HUMANS)
Just freaking look at them. They did well too, because at least they didn't show up with a joint between their lips like Wiz Khalifa did (I’m not sure how because it’s still illegal in New York State). Somehow weirdly reminds me of Donald Glovers acceptance speech at the Golden Globes last year. Here is a little advice for you, if your tailoring is absolutely perfect, you can do pretty much anything you want.
If you're looking for a lesson in class when it comes to wearing a multi-shade suit, look no further. The bow tie could probably be giving lessons to Tom Brady's infantile attempt, and those are the perfect shoes to wear when you are already drawing all your attention to your torso. Rule number one: only one statement piece on a suit, and I'm glad Mr. Legend know exactly where the statement is.
Special mentions go to Ansel Elgort, Wiz Khalifa - because despite the joint he did look damn good, and Future for his custom H&M styling.