State of the Union: Don't call me Old Fashioned

A large part of moving forward in fashion involves drawing inspiration from the past. Designers look at their own house’s collections from years gone by, as well as drawing on general elements of the past to generate this season’s ‘look’. Don’t get it twisted though, this piece isn’t a serious examination of designer logic, it’s me looking at our generation’s past fashion choices so I can pull out the most embarrassing trends of our collective short history that I want to make a comeback.

Remember when everyone went through that god-awful neon 80’s throwback phase in intermediate? Despite not being alive to see the original trend, I’ll admit that I owned highlighter-yellow skinny jeans, which I paired with a white/neon pink top that I thought said something about the 80’s. I would have looked like a right twat, but I joined in with this faux nostalgia for fashion of the past.

Revisiting this questionable fashion choice started me thinking about other poor fashion choices we made as a collective, and how I would feel if early-2000s fashion was revisited by the masses. Even though a lot of people I know probably think I’m being sarcastic, I am deadly serious when I say I’d love to see some of this shit make a comeback. I mean, I own a T-Mobile Sidekick 3. That’s how serious I am about embracing the 00s.

TRUCKER CAPS: When I see a Von Dutch logo a strange sense of calm washes over me. I think that if everyone started wearing these caps again I would be in a permanent state of zen. Nobody would be able to shit on my day if I was wearing a pink-camo cap with that heat-releasing badass mesh at the back. Bucket hats came back with a vengeance, so we could totally start a trucker cap movement if we all just believe. I’m going to institute a No Hat, No Play rule in order to fully fulfil this primary school flashback. If you’re not wearing a trucker cap, don’t talk to me.

 

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Jayden made a collage // Image cred: Here, here, and here

 

ONE-SHOULDER SHIRTS: I don’t know if I should justify this with a paragraph or just write ‘HBK’ and leave it at that. I swear everything that retailed at HBK and Urban Angel was only allowed one sleeve… budget issues? I don’t know but I liked it. Britney schools us on 00s trends once more:

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FLARE JEANS: The world seems to live and die by skinny jeans now (myself included) but I long for the days when every pair of jeans I bought was boot cut. I mean, celebrities wore these bad boys on the red carpet. The bigger the flare, the cooler you were. I want this reinstated as a measurement of character. We need to stop restricting our legs in pants we can barely sit down in and free our minds as well as our bodies. Shit, all these childhood trends really are making me zen.

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ANY FORM OF HUGE SKATE SHOE: I begged and pleaded for these Gallaz shoes when I was in Year 7 and to this day I am semi-embarrassed my parents spent like $110 on these… But I would die of happiness if I got to see all of my peers rocking them. Bonus points if you’ve never gotten on a skateboard in your life.

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NOT WEARING A BRA: This is kind of cheating because this was more of a 90s epidemic, but every time I watch Spice World or any Cameron Diaz movie I can’t help but notice their wardrobe department didn’t spring for bras. #FREETHENIPPLE

 

And because I can’t leave this piece exclusively positive I’m going to briefly bitch about fashion trends from the 00s that should stay there, preferably forever.

VELOUR SWEATSUITS: A little part of me loves them, in an Amy Poehler in Mean Girls kinda way, but I mostly think of catching the 028 bus after school when Dio had a mufti day; a mob of girls in matching Juicy Couture toting Macpacs. Also, for me, there’s something inherently wrong about wearing a sweatsuit for style purposes. Here’s Kim K showing what Kanye’s new workout plan looks like (two Kanye jokes in two articles, I’m so sorry [ED: No you’re not.]):

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UGGS: I’m not even going to dignify this with a paragraph, just a picture.

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DENIM MINIS: I cried when my mom threw out my Roxy miniskirt in Year 6 because it was too short. I never want anyone to have to feel the way I felt. I also feel like once you get out of primary school wearing a denim mini just looks unnatural. It’s like denim minis are a magnet for other terrible fashion trends (like uggs), beckoning you to put on something even fucking tackier to complement it… and you’ll listen.

I know this is all just wishful thinking and there’s no way we’re far enough out of the 00s for any of this shit to be anything resembling retro or cool yet, but a gal can still dream of a world filled with flannel, hats with bad slogans and anything Avril Lavigne has worn in the last 12 years.

 

Jayden wrote this while burning her bras and tossing up between the black Von Dutch or the red and pink. Tell her what you wanna hear about next week in the comments.

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