Stephen Witt's 'Diddle'

Telling children he has a small diddle by day, and comedian by night, no one could have prepared me for what was Stephen Witt. The baby faced ‘”future of New Zealand comedy” had no shame when it came to trying to use his comedic position to get dates out of the audience, especially the brunette that almost certainly regretted choosing to sit in the front row.


With a day job as Popcorn the Clown, Witt was readily able to show us his Cirque du Soleil moves on a stool, which didn’t quite achieve the awe he was hoping for. Passionate as he was about performing as a clown for a day job, it sounded like there were a few cons that come with a job which I thought to be a reasonably easy - paint some faces, do some magic, how hard can it be? But by his description it sounds emotionally traumatic; in one instance, a child managed to announce to everyone at his party that Stephen had informed the child of his small ‘diddle’. Don’t worry, it wasn’t as weird in context.


Stephen utilised his rubber face to show what emoticons would look like if we expressed them in real life. And those of us lucky enough to witness them know that it would be one of the creepiest things you could ever see a face do. I don’t think my face is capable of showing half the emotions that emoticons are supposed to portray. His facial expressions might not have been the only thing to put off the front row brunette - it was probably more to do with him admitting to leaving feces on his (at the time) girlfriend's carpet, during a moment of desperation. Piece of advice to all guys out there with girlfriends, or even just guys or humans in general: Do NOT under any circumstances think that doing this is okay. Unless you just died. Which you probably didn’t, so don’t do it.


Lonely Edward in the front row was Stephen's next victim during the set, Witt announcing that the shirt he was wearing looked like it was made from a tea towel. Poor Edward came all the way into town by himself to enjoy a show, only for his clothes to be criticised.


Before attending the show I didn’t know a lot about Stephen, but upon leaving I felt like I knew him on a personal level. Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing I have not yet decided, but what I do know is that he was a small bundle of joy which I would recommend to anyone who enjoys a bit of dry humour, and uncomfortable situations.  I’m anticipating what he brings to next years comedy festival - hopefully a little more solid material instead of hoping the audience gives him something to go off.



Q Theatre

12th-16th May

NZ International Comedy Festival


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